Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupid. Show all posts

Monday, August 29, 2011

We Shed What Was Left of Our Summer Skin




Summer is almost over with. How sad is that? It seems to have rushed by so fast. You remember as a kid that you lazed around for all of June, and then July seemed like you if you were gonna go on vacation-that is when you went. And then before you even knew it, August was knocking at your door with September following closing behind, completely uninvited. And then the night before school was to start you were completely miserable and almost on the verge of a complete breakdown, trying to rationalize how on earth you could get out of this impending doom and make summer go on forever? Well that, my friends, does not go away when you get older.

Since by the world's standards, summer is officially over and done with once the ugly, stupid, annoying, and bed-wetter "cousin" of all other dates, the always dreaded Labor Day is upon us. It's only a few measly days away and I feel the impending weight of real life approaching. This can't happen! I have not done most of the things that I wanted to do with you summer! No! I will not let you leave! I love you. I need you! Doesn't that mean anything to you? I'll do anything! What do you want me to do? Grovel? I can do that. (on my knees, eyes filled slightly with tears, hands together, looking up...and let the pleading begin) Please, please, please do not leave me. My life is empty and uneventful when you are not here. I know I don't always treat you right, or respect you. But I can change. I can learn to love all that is you, including the intense heat, the humidity, the smell you give this city, and all the sweat. I am addicted to you. You give me a feeling that nothing else can. When you are around the air is different, its filled with sweet smells, laughter, grasshoppers, and the gentle swishing of bicylces rolling by. You make my world bright. Without you, I am in darkness! Doing certain things is not the same without you around. Going outside is a task. The park isn't fun anymore. The beach, oh the beach, that is "our" place, I don't dare go there without you. People always comment on how I'm "glowing" when you are in my life, and I know it is because of you. In short, I am the best version of myself with you. Please don't take that away from me!

However, in the event that Summer does decide to leave me. I feel that I need to prepare myself. I will miss the warmth that the air brings. The sweet breezes that come at night. The feeling of wearing the perfect summer dress. All the outdoor events. The relaxation that a day at the beach can give you, that nothing else on this planet can do, it is like free therapy. The joy that comes with eating an amazing meal (or even the summer essential that is chips, guacamole, and a margarita) on a patio or rooftop! When you are here, the whole city changes, its like you force everyone to take a deep breath and just relax. But this is how you have been my whole life. You come, and rock my world, and just when I completely loose myself in you, you decide to leave. I know Summer promises that he will return and bring all of you back with him. But, the thought of loosing all of you is too much! Please, try to convince him to stay. The world is a better place when Summer is around.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Really?!?! Wow!


What is the obsession with coming up with all these over-the-top elaborate lies? I think the human race is becoming dumber. If you don't want to do something, just say so. If you messed up, just man up to it. So much more work is involved when you go the other route. And BONUS! you look a big doof!

A co-worker recently put in her resignation. Fine. I get it. No need to explain. You are the 4th person to have that job in less than a year. No one is gonna scratch their head as to why you are leaving. It's more likely they would if you continued to stick around! So why not just make your peace and leave? Was it necessary to say that the reason for your departure was because you are going to Stanford for law school?!?! REALLY?!?! Stanford? Law School? Hhmmmmm. Let's break this lie down in about 2 minutes, shall we?

  1. Stanford-As in: Ivy League. As in lots and lots of $$$$. As in one of the most difficult and challenging schools to get into to. I'm pretty sure this is the one thing that solidified that this was in fact a lie. How many people do you know that went to Stanford Law School? That ratio is low I believe.
  2. Law School- As in: becoming a lawyer. Um, you get confused by the phone......so.......i'm guessing The BAR is not going to be a cake walk for you.
  3. The timing- You put your two weeks in, taking you to about mid to late August. Fall semester starts in a little more than a week. Is that enough time for you to pack up your life in NY and move to California? How do you think Stanford Law School feels about tardiness or absence?
Seriously, when I heard this I laughed. Then when I heard you were "busted" for lying about all this, I laughed even harder. I mean, shame on them for believing you in the first place, but shame on you for even trying it! The cherry on the top is that our old office manager also used this "excuse" when she decided to leave. "I'm going back to school to get my Masters!" Really??!!? You? The idiot who can't figure out how to open a door, and who flunked out of Beauty School? Come on ladies! You are giving girls a bad rep for being the most obnoxious liars! And, for being dumb! And, as a fellow female, this reflects bad on me. The saddest part is, they sound so familiar to the plot of Legally Blonde, which is not a compliment, in case you were wondering.

Next time you want to quit, all you have to say is that I quit, I do not want to work here anymore, this job is not for me! That's it! Or be really truthful and say that you do not agree with how the business is ran. But whatever it is, do not speak of "higher education" as being the sole reason.

Also, if you call in sick Monday morning, do not lie about having food poisoning (for the 3rd time in 8 months) from the 2, 10 piece nuggets, 1 big mac, and 1 fish fillet you ate last night. Don't drag down the clean and pure name that is McDonalds! I mean I sure after ALL that food, you would be dead anyways. And I kinda don't believe you simply because you say you didn't get any fries. Who doesn't get fries? Liars, thats who! Just tell the truth, your calling in sick because you are hung over or you have "alcohol poisoning" if you are so inclined to be poisoned.