Simple Song

In the interest of keeping with the title, I shall make this post simple. The artist? The Shins. The song? Simple Song. Shortly after it's release, this song immediately crept onto my Spring soundtrack. Just a friendly reminder that life, and I guess love (ew!), doesn't need to be that hard. And we all do well to let people worthwhile "in", you never know, they might surprise you and be just what the doctor ordered! Enjoy my musically inclined pals :)

Well this is just a simple song
To say what you've done
I told you about all those fears
And away they did run
You sure must be strong
And you feel like an ocean being warmed by the sun

When I was just nine-years-old
I swear that I dreamt
Your face on a football field
And a kiss that I kept
Under my vest
Apart from everything, with the heart in my chest

I know that things can really get rough
When you go it alone
Don’t go thinking you gotta be tough
To bleed like a stone
Could be there’s nothing else in our lives so critical
As this little hole

My life in an upturned boat
Marooned on a cliff
You brought me a great big flood
And you gave me a lift
Girl, what a gift
You tell me with your tongue
And your breath was in my lungs
And we float up through the rift

I know that things can really get rough
When you go it alone
Don’t go thinking you gotta be tough
To bleed like a stone
Could be there’s nothing else in our lives so critical
As this little hole

Well this would be a simple song
To say what you've done
I told you about all those fears
And away they did run
You sure must be strong
When you feel like an ocean being warmed by the sun

Remember walking a mile to your house
A glow in the dark
I made a fumbling play for your heart
And the act struck a spark
You wore a charm on the chain that I stole
Especial for you
Love's such a delicate thing that we do
With nothing to prove
Which I never knew

Taking Over A Computer Near You!

Hey baby dolls! Guess what???? One of the BEST blogs on the whole planet that is the "World Wide Web", written by one the most endearing, gifted, and loveliest creatures EVER, has asked me to write down my complete nonsense in post form! I feel just like Sally Fields, "YOU LIKE ME! YOU REALLY LIKE ME!" Otherwise known as "flabbercastism" (?)

Saer, the genius who also goes by the ego cravenmaven, has been kind enough (and maybe just a tad loony) to let me ramble on about ice cream and it's relation to your personality. I think it has potential to end up in a medical journal one day due to all of it's accuracy and detail. Get on this train guys! Please, don't forget to show Saer mad love and support! This gal rocks it in the kitchen, and in life. You will not be sorry if you let yourself stew in the wonderful world of words and edible treats she is constantly preparing. Check out Part 1 of my article, and be on the lookout for Part 2!

KULA DOMINATION!

Dillusions of Appearance

Have you ever had one of those days where you thought you looked completely respectable, cute even.....only to discover later on that you look like a complete crazy mess! Yea.......that tragedy sadly struck me the other day.

Sadly I've worn this outfit combo many times prior to this tragic event. It was a perfect storm of "barely there" make-up, a very androgynous hairstyle, and a very doubty stance (I was EXHAUSTED! LEAVE ME ALONE!), and a usually delicate and adorable necklace gone all too wrong!

Lets give you the rundown:

Shirt: Blue button up (one of my favorites! So comfortable and I ALWAYS think it looks good, but now looking back I see that I have only received ONE! UNO! Compliment on it! Yikes!)

Pants: Black dress pants. Otherwise known as fancy pants! Otherwise known as the entire contents of my closet due to working in the salon industry. Otherwise known as "slacks" to my grandmother.

Shoes: Red pair of TOMS. Super comfortable, but worn with not the right attire......inevitably lesbian shoes.

(*let me just say right here, this outfit sounds really bad now that I write it all out. DOG GONE IT! In my defense, I was really tired, and I was just going to work so I didn't care what I looked like, and I just wanted to be comfortable. It is A LOT of pressure on a gal to be looking good at all times. I'm at a point in my life where pants are my enemy, so just be happy I had pants on UNIVERSE!)

My make-up was not on point either. I looked really washed out and my eyes seemed to almost be non existent..if that is even possible. But I can TOTALLY blame that one on lack of sleep, because I don't even remember ever putting make-up on. (Have I mentioned that I've been really tired?)

The hair. Oh Lord, that hair! I am ashamed:( It was yet again one of those freakishly warm days in February, that are humid and a tad cold and super windy all at the same time. Uugghh. The weather is ruining my self confidence in my ability to dress myself in a respectable manner. Anyways, the weather was insane and I did not want to be bothered. My hair was in it's natural curly/wavy/not-too-sure-what-it-is-but-can-sometimes-pass-as-beach-hair-but-other-times-makes-me-look-like-a-5-year-old-who-went-to-bed-with-wet-hair-and-had-crazy-dreams (what a beautiful picture that is!) Anyways, like I was saying, I did not want to be bothered so I twisted is back ever so softly on both sides and tied it up in a low bun. I thought is was very whimsy looking, very soft and lady like.

Did you ever see that episode of Parks and Recreation when Leslie has a special event to go to, and she goes to the barber for him to style her hair, which he does like "the mayor" and she is wearing that suit and Ann is her date and everyone thinks they are a couple and she is completely oblivious to all of it? That was me! My hair, if looked at straight on looked JUST like an old dude's hairstyle. Combined that with the men's button up shirt, and bad posture (my mother would be so proud), and that necklace that ended up looking like I was wearing a gold chain (????? Oh the horror!) Boy was I a sight for sore eyes! Worse of all, no one the whole day told me that I looked like Barbra Streisand when she was posing as a boy in Yentl. The only difference was she did that willingly, on purpose. Mine was a total accident, a HUGE mistake!

Now I am going to have to rid my closet of this horrendous, hideous outfit FOREVER! Nothing can humble you quite like that of knowing every single person you passed was confused by if you were a pubescent slightly feminine boy or just a sad lady with bad fashion sense and a desperate need of a makeover.

To everyone that encountered me: YES! I was that lady man lady you saw! Geez! Drop it already! No one is perfect!

Ticketmaster: Thine Enemy!

Alright, the jig is up Ticketmaster! I am on to you! I'm sharper then Cheddar baby, you can't fool this!

In the most "matter of fact" terms, Ticketmaster is a slut! Oh how she entices you with some of your most beloved artist coming to a town near you and that she is the only thing between you and 500 other people singing the same sweet verse in sync like some powerful children's choir, just less creepy. And oh how simple and easy it "seems". Sssooooo user-friendly (sarcasm if you are that dense). All you need to do is log on at the appropriate date and time and click a few simple buttons and TA-DA, beautiful, coveted golden tickets to the show of your choosing. Right? Right?????

But, Ticketmaster, being the slut that she is, NEGLECTS to tell you that she had already sold a whole bunch of these tickets in a pre-sale. A pre-sale that she holds sacred for the maybe 23 people who have American Express cards. So secretive that you didn't even have a clue that this was happening just a few days, ney HOURS before she promised to give you those tickets that you want so desperately! * Either way, you feel like a fool. Stupidly smiling about your day, keeping an eye on the clock because you have a date with Ticketmaster which will inevitably lead to a second date to the Band of Horses show. You idiot! Wipe that pathetic grin off your face, hate to break it to you but you've been two-timed! Don't believe me? Go ahead, log on at 9am just like she told you to and see what happens when you ask for 2 tickets for the best available, and type in that super cryptic word sensor thing and see what her response will be. I'll wait. Oh, what's that? She cannot meet your request? Wha???? But how can that be? She promised! You my friend have been swindled by the ticket slut. Don't fall completely apart, we've all been there my friend.

But to forewarn you a big meanie named Stubhub is going to add insult to injury. BIG TIME. Apparently there are a whole bunch of losers (who may or may not have an American Express card*) who have nothing better to do with their time then buy up a bunch of tickets to events they have absolutely no intention of going to! Then, in their apparent desperation to make a quick dollar and to get their jollies from ripping off innocent people, they go to Stubhub and re-sell these tickets for astronomical amounts!!! So you wanted to see Jens Lekman for $30, now you will have to shell out $125 to see him. Moo-ha-ha! (their evil laugh) Such a jerk. Just throwing it in your face, that they had a little something-something on the side with Ticketmaster that you had no i-d-e-a about. This is what you get for only wanting to spend a few enchanting hours under the melodies and lyrics of Fleet Foxes.

So your going to go through a lot of emotions. Who can you trust? Is loyalty even a thing anymore? How can people be so cruel? Does "big business" even care about the "little guy"? You are going to feel deserted, and beaten up. But know that you are not alone. We've all missed our promised Santigold, Beyonce, Radiohead, and Florence + The Machine tickets, only to end up in despair. But justice will prevail! We can conquer Ticketmaster. Expose her for what she is. Who's with me???

*A note to American Express card holders, I have no beef with you. I think you are great. But it seems like the only super mega rich have AE cards. So it is safe to say I will never have one. But I love your commercials. Like the ones back in the day with Jerry Seinfeld. Good stuff. Hey, now that we are pals, if you do happen to buy tickets for the Death Cab for Cutie show coming up, can you keep me in mind? Thanks!

Space-Time Continuum

Do you think that if you COULD go back in time and get the chance to have a re-do on one particular thing, that would alter everything? By changing one tiny little thing, everything would be changed? Well the theory of space-time continuum certainly thinks so!

All it takes is one distant memory of a decision that you have made. Think about it and the repercussions of said decision.

Example: When I decided to stay with Bevels when they moved and expanded. I wouldn't of had such a crazy, demanding schedule forcing me to miss my Saturday for my circuit assembly. Which then allowed me to go to another one where I ran into Whitney in the bathroom after a few years going by since we last saw each other. From there Whitney became one of the closest people in my life. Then, she decided to move to New York. Where then she eventually moved in with Tassie, and the two of them planned a trip away for three months, allowing Debi and I to sublet from them. Moving me officially to New York.

Wowza!

Just think, if I didn't go to another circuit assembly, would I of still ran into Whitney? Would I of still moved to New York? What are the odds that I would have moved into the same building as Kia? Or even met Debi? Would I of ever ran into Ian and Christina? Would I still have spent basically the entire summer and Ai and Maurice's? How would I have encountered the Vivianos? If we never knew each other in Michigan, what is the probability in New York? If I never met Tassie, where would I be living right now?

If I would have changed my direction of one Saturday, what would my life be like right now?

Hakuna Matata!

It means no worries!!!! A problem free philosophy:)

Ah.....no worries. Problem free. Can you picture it? It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? But life, oh sweet and wonderful and oh so complex, LIFE. Life does not live by this beloved Disney philosophy. At least not yet! Life, (my life, because EHEM, this is MY blog. My blog, my life. Ego-centric? Maybe just a pinch!) life has more problems then a math book. What is it about the new year that makes you reflect and have the sudden urge to change things? Well, whatever the reason, it has captured me under it's spell. You want to hear my verdict for 2011? Come on, don't be shy. It is completely validated that you are on the absolute EDGE of your seat wanting to know the complete misplaced opinions and facts from a little Midwest girl who transplanted herself to the Big City and has had showers and showers of self-realizations, disappointments, and absurd-life-happenings that MAY or may not be the premise to an AMAZING Wes Anderson indie flick. See what I just did there? I talked so much nonsense and used such fantastic cunning trickery that you suddenly forgot the question. And, I have you hooked! Like puddy in my hand you are! So I will proceed with my far fetched ramblings, thank you kindly:0)

......oh man! Now I forgot what I was talking about! Drat the luck! Hold on, let me collect my thoughts again.

OH! Verdict for 2011! How could one forget? Are you ready for it? 2011 sucked. Period. And, unless my survey has taught me wrong, you agree with me. Woo-hoo, high fives all around! Pat yourselves on the back for one crappy year, frustratingly lived! I don't want this to be a post solely dripping with pessimism, because that is no fun. Were there good things that happened? Of course! I finally found a place to live indefinitely, that I also happen to like very much. I got to go to pioneer school which was incredible. I've met and attached myself to some pretty amazing people. My brother is just killing it at life, which makes me ecstatic! I did a cleanse! I finally got through Wuthering Heights, not a small feat! I mastered how to make a pretty respectable poached egg. I've become less dependent on makeup, sometimes I go days being fresh faced for the world to see. I've scored some fantastic finds at thrift/second hand shops. See, good things. However, looking at the 365 days as a whole, not so many smiles times. 2011 had an air of funky disdain to it that lingered on you. Almost like you couldn't escape it.

I am here, standing before you, or more liked sitting before a screen writing to you, either way, I have a proposition for you, and me! (confused yet?) I shall present it to the audience in a formal, respectful way:

I, author of Kula-La-La and spokesperson for my fellow citizens who are ready to leave the year of 2011 behind, have a proposition for the general public. We refuse to let the bitter after taste of one badly, tragic year ruin or alter in any way our sights and ambitions for the future. We will remember lessons learned, and experiences gained, and relationships birthed, and we will proudly enter into the next chapter of life with these new features, but not carrying any of last year's baggage. We will accomplish. We will conquer. We will prevail. We will acquire many moments of happiness and try to the best of our ability to expand these to their absolute limits. We will allow ourselves to have a bad day if needed, but we must leave that day within those 24 hours and not let it attach itself to us and spread like gruesome gang green of life and over take us. We will detach ourselves from what is not necessary or helpful, and instead we will grab hold on to what is essential and things making for joy. We will approach this new blank canvas with hope in our hearts, determination on our brains, and maybe a cupcake and a butterfly or two in our stomachs. We will proceed with optimistic caution knowing full well that we got this! 2011, who needs you? All those in favor say "EY!"

If all else fails (but remember we are thinking positively now) I have decided to adopt the mantra of childhood memories Timon and Pumbaa. When life gets to you, just remember Hakuna Matata, oh what a wonderful phrase!

Exhaustion From the Depths (Or How a Non-Cryer Has Spent 2+ Weeks as a Weepy Mess)

Just as a side-note, the title of this post is not an over dramatization. I have quite literally, and pathetically (I might add), been on the edge of a sob storm at any moment of any day ever since I've gotten back from Michigan. And, I don't cry. Ever. To borrow a line from Julia Roberts, "I think there is a good possibility that I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up!" I have fallen into the deep pit that is my family and all of it's madness and antics and I haven't been able to escape back out of it. On one hand, it is not completely their fault. I am a big girl now, I can say no and yes, and can make decisions about my life all on my own. It's not as if someone has forced me to get involved in all the saga like plots that have fallen upon my familia. And no one else is controlling the way that I am choosing to deal with it. My state of being an emotional voided rebooting zombie robot who pushes people away is something that I came up with all on my lonesome. (proud smile) So DON'T try to copy it, I've got it Trademarked! So you will have to pay me handsomely if I find out that you are shadily stealing my coping mechanisms! Okay, so yea, yea. It's not COMPLETELY their fault. But in some ways it IS their fault. (John, if you are reading this, please stop right here. Know that I am not talking about you, just the two other grown ups and that crazy loon of a sister)

I have come to the conclusion that there are times when life is just so not fair. Now I'm NOT talking about when you want to throw yourself a good ole fashion pity party and have a big tantrum about how life is just so unfair to a little beautiful princess like you! (gag) However, I am referring to those crystal clear moments when the sun hits everything just right and for but an instant you see how blindingly unfair and complex life can be. So basically, to fill you in, I went back home, not for me, but for my family. I went there so I could, to quote my mother, "You need to come here to encourage your Dad, and John, and me! We NEED you here!" And so I went. I went to live up to the role I so stupidly assigned myself as The Protector. I went because my family seemed so desperate for me to be there. I went because this is what I do, Amanda goes and holds it together so everyone else can fall apart. I went because I am an idiot. The only reasons that I went for my own selfishness was to see my brother, and to go through all my crap that was still there. (Sidebar-I am happy to report that I officially have nothing left in Michigan!)

Being there, I got to witness first hand what an anxious ball of nerves my father has become. I have never seen him look so old before. He would sit in his chair with his jacket on, hat on, and shoes on-being fully ready to move into instant action IF the moment ever called for it. He would jump at the slightest noise, and scope out every car that would drive by. He would not just relax. The saddest thing about it all, my dad made zero time for me. And zero effort in even acting like he wanted to spend time with me. So my mother pleading that my father "needed me", a lie perhaps? Yes, he did the quintessential him, and drove me back and forth to my ride, but that was it really. Even when he 1st picked me up, we were in the car not even 5 minutes when the phone rings and he picks it up and proceeds to have like a 7 minute non important conversation, neglecting to tell his friend "Hey, Amanda just got in. I'll call you back." Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I get it, I know there is a lot of big, monumental things taking place in Monroe, but you haven't seen me since March, and you complain all the time about how much you "miss" me, and then I am finally right here, for you, and nothing. Even just sitting with you in the living room for those 12 minutes waiting for Mom, you did not have one single thing to say to me except, "I don't know sometimes, Amanda. I just don't know." Well, right back at you Pops! I don't know about you either. And that hurts.

Then there is the complex and fantasy living creature: my mother. Sometimes she has this special way about her that in a matter of moments she can go from the most dramatic to most level headed person in the world. My whole life I have been plagued with the feeling that no matter what I do, my mother will never be satisfied with it. She is un-satisfiable in so many ways. (I have a sneaking suspicion that at times.....I am like that also. Dang it!) She also has the skills to somehow twist and turn everything around, and make it about her. It truly is an art the way she does it. And you just know, right when you are in the middle of it, and you watch it all unfold in front of you in the beautifully tragic way. Somehow you saying, "I can't handle this because of X, Y, and Z" ends up with her in an emotional rant about all that she does and has done and how she is on her last nerve, and you feeling like a complete monster. The truth is, not EVERYTHING is about you. Have you ever really heard what I am trying to tell you? Do you ever just listen to what your children are saying? There are some truths at the heart of it that I think you need to hear.

I love my family. There is no denying that. We all collectively share one heartbeat. But I am angry at some of the things they choose to be and do. I dropped everything in New York to go home and hold my family's hand. Then when I return back to my life in the wake of all that has happened, and I don't know how to register all the things that I am feeling, who is here to hold my hand? Where are you guys when I need you? You were up my butt for like 2 weeks before I came, pressuring me to come, and now that I'm back home, nothing. Not a phone call, not a text, email, SOS, smoke signal, snail mail, carrier pigeon....nothing. The kicker is that I can't even be 100% honest with you, because if I was to tell you, "no, I'm not doing alright", you would not be able to handle it. I realize now that that is most likely the reason why you don't truly ask. You are afraid of what the answer might be. And how do we operate in a world where I do not have it together? I don't know. I've been struggling with that ever since I left. Guess what? I am not okay. I don't even know where to begin fully in all the things that are so NOT okay with my life currently. And the one people that I would like to count on right now, my family, I can't. See, life is so not fair. Hence, why when I start to feel like a confused mess of a stranger to myself, I push people away. I retreat.

When you get broken, it is easier to start seeing the cracks in the foundations all around you. I push because I am scared. I scared at what I may say or do that could potentially hurt you. But mainly, I'm scared that you could hurt me. Such is life to be let down by the ones you love the most. In my mind though, if I keep you at a safe distance, you can't let me down. You can't hurt me. It's funny, because by doing this, to keep hurt away from all players I might add, I still end up hurting people. So on top of everything else, I must now go around handing out apologies to people and promising soon I will be back to normal just to make them feel better, even though I myself don't even believe the words I just said. I am worried that some of the people I considered to be true friends, in it for the long haul, the thick of it, rain or shine or hurricane, no matter what-they are there. They might actually be more like fair weather friends. Only in the relationship when it is most convenient for them. But when you are bottomed out and beaten up and the ugliest version of yourself, they are no where to be found. I don't need people too often, so when I do and they are not there, it stings. Stings like acid in a deep gouge in my chest cavity. I guess pressure is good if for nothing else but showing people's true characteristics. Maybe I just have the habit though of expecting people to be someone that they simply aren't.

Who's That Girl?

Let me give you a hint: It's not yours truly. Sigh. And, yes I know what you are thinking. YES! I am in fact in a funk, deal with it muchachos! I'm sorry, I don't mean to take it out on you, you did nothing wrong. My apologies. I suppose it would be rude of me to lay this all you before I give you any type of background explanation, so let me explain.......uh, er, let me sum up. Life has been less than amazing, more than frustrating, and all around exhausting. Family: Crazy/Complicated. Work: Monotonous and Unfullfilling. Personal: Terribly Lacking. Yep, all players are here and accounted for! Brace yourselves, I am about to get SUPER girly here. I am bummed out that I am not one of those girls that can make guys fumble and drool over themselves. Alright, yea I get it. I am not 6 feet tall, with legs for days and perfectly toned arms, and skin color that looks like I live on some island and have some type of "goddess-esque" air about me. But that's just it, I've NEVER been "that" girl. It has either a) never occurred to me before or, b) never bothered me before. Oh how I long for the days when I was blissfully unaware of what a plain-jane-dud-poison-to-men-girl I really am!

Debi made a comment to me, something on the lines of "do you think you are possibly one of those girls that always attracts guys?" And of course, my reaction was major denial, and laughter. (side note: I do not know how to receive compliments. You tell me my hair looks good, I'll tell you it's really dirty and disgusting. It's apparently a "problem") But my reaction was genuine. I don't think I am one of "those" girls who always seems to have a guy totally vibing on her. However, let's all be honest ladies, I think we all WANT to be that girl. And, in my case, even though I knew it wasn't true, I think I secretly thought maybe in SOME way, shape, or form, in an alternate universe, I was in fact one of those girls! Or at least, had the potential to become one. Crazy, I know. Geez Amanda, how do you fit thru doors with that ego of yours?!?? But then that got me thinking about all the supporting males that have been cast in the "love" section of my life and I have come to a very simple verdict. None of them have actually liked me. Now, don't go feeling all sorry for me or think that I'm just fishing for a compliment. Don't, and I'm not, honestly. Maybe this is just my insecurities talking, but there is that chance that I am unlikable. When I take a closer look, most of the so called relationships that I have had, have been played out mostly in me ole noggin. Maybe, just maybe things that go unsaid, aren't the most impactful simple truths that are the hardest to say, and need to be clung to like the last boat off the Titanic. Maybe they weren't said because they weren't there, they weren't felt. Simple as that.

It has been a very long while since I was told "I like you." And, I don't care how dependant you are, or how in order your life is, or anything else. Those three sweet words can do something truly beautiful to you. It's like a shift in the earth, now there is somebody who has studied you, looked you over, took much thought, and allowed its heart to attach itself to you and all your nonsense that makes up you. They are willing to look over all the mess and are willing to put themselves out on a line and confess that which can never really be taken back. They are sincerely intrigued by you. You feel like something, because someone else has picked you out. That feeling is matched by very few things in this world. But, oh wait, wait, wait there Ms. Kula!

When is the last time you've said those very words to someone? Yea, it's been awhile since that one too.

Hey all the fellas out there that truly want to help a girl out. I could use some advice here!

The Insufferable Child on the 4th Floor!

4J is PUSHING their luck! BIG TIME! Riddle me this: what kind of idiots who birth an obnoxiously loud spawn that does not have any other type of movement octave besides stomping, decide to rent an apartment on any floor above ground level? What kind of evil master minds do that??!? This little 3-4 year old beast that lives right above me does NOTHING but run and stomp from one end of the apartment, to the other, all the live long day! So there is no escaping it. If I am home and he is home, there is no where that I can go to get away from the psychotic tyrant that inhabits the space above me!

And seriously parents, what is the matter with you? Growing up we were never, let me repeat for emphasis, NEVER allowed to run in the house. And we didn't even have downstairs neighbors! Running in the house was not gonna fly with Sue Kula, uh-uh, no way! That, and slamming doors, and if she called you, you were not just supposed to shout "what?", you needed to go and see what she wanted. The parents living upstairs apparently have no concept of respect, kindness, or even proper apartment living etiquette'! Shame on them for not knowing or caring! By the sound of it, you are hoping to rear your child to become a dictator of some sort, judging by the way you excuse (encourage?) the stomps coming out of little feet. That brings up another point, he is such a small child, how is it physically possible for so much noise to be coming from something so small??

And somehow my roomie is completely un-phased by all the hub-bub upstairs. I don't know how that is even possible, maybe she is a robot. Great, so I have a stomping monster upstairs, and a mechanically engineered "thing" living with me. But anyways, my robot roomie says that it would be rude or "unnecessary" for me to be the little old lady that I desperately want to be and take out a stick and bang the daylights (ha!) out of my ceiling aka-their floor to let them know that I have HAD IT! And to knock it off! Rude? Really? THAT would be rude? Not the fact that their child's refusal to walk lightly like a normal human isn't rude? Me no compute that. I feel like a gentle reminder that there is a freakin' park right across the street, where homeboy can run his little heart out, is a nice, neighborly thing to do. You know how there is the Better Business Bureau, to keep businesses in check when they start thinking they do no wrong? I feel like initiating a Better Upstairs Neighbor Bureau, that can come in and shut them down when they be acting like straight fools! That seems like a lot of work. Is getting a law passed that occupants with children are only allowed to live in bottom floor apartments for the happiness and well-being of all, any easier? Or maybe I could somehow kindly let myself into the place when they are not home, this is not considered "breaking in" if it's for the right reason-I have that on good authority, and somehow lay down sound reducing padding across their entire apartment! Because folks, all Amanda wants to hear is the pidder padder of little feet, not the stomps of a T-Rex man baby monstrosity! Kula OUT!

It's 10 O'Clock, Do You Know Where Your Roommate Is?

I must confess, I am slightly worried. It is precisely 10:12 pm on a Tuesday night, and my roommate is no where to be found! So strange! Considering that around this same time last night she was sound asleep. I know this because I too may have been passed out hard close around that time as well. (No need for judgement. I love my sleep thank you very much. And am unbelievably proud that I strive to get the suggested amount of 8+ hours a night. Don't be jealous!)

I mean what could she possibly be doing? And why am I slightly jealous? I have this unsettling need to go out as well. Be a woman about town at 10:30 on a Tuesday night. I can see myself now, walking around this great city, totaling throwing caution to the wind about having an early morning tomorrow! I could be wild too! Oh! Is that how it's gonna be roommate? Are you trying to one up me??!!? You think your so cool cause you have plans on a week night? Your SO awesome cause you don't immediately start yawning like clock work at 11 pm? Hm! You better thank your LUCKY STARS that I just so happen to be exhausted beyond belief and have no plan to get out of my lovely and comfortable bed. Because if I wasn't, OH! Watch out girl! I can tear up a weekday night like no body's 'BIDNAS!

PS- I also had a thought that you are stranded in the park somewhere, or being chased by a crazy person, or stuck in an elevator or the train for hours without a bathroom or food. I really hope that is not true. Please don't be dead! Now I really do hope that you are living it up on the rooftop of the Waldorf shaking your tail feather with Vin Diesel or somebody. Please be having fun! But not too much fun, and just know that I could be having fun too on a Tuesday night-Your Have NO Idea!

Catalogs and Calculations

Random- [ran-duhm] adjective: proceeding, made, or occurring without definite aim, reason, or pattern

List- [list] noun: a series of names or other items written or printed together in a meaningful grouping or sequence so as to constitute a record

Old vs New

• Old- Own bedroom with a door!
• New- Finally a big, comfy, much needed bed (Amanda like:))
  
• Old- The best shower head ever! I LOVE great water pressure
• New- Wi-fi. Meaning I can be anywhere in the house and be able to watch every episode of Toddlers and Tiaras that Netflix has to offer! (stop judging! I'm conducting a study on how psychotic parent's can be and this is part of my research!)
• Old- Never having to buy toilet paper or paper towel. (Roommate's got that Cosco card yo!)
• New- Right across the street from the park. Actually in my territory. Closer to just about everyone else.
  
• Old- Super close to work and Trader Joe's, and just about every train.
• New- Super cheap rent.
• Old- Skylight! And cable! Great neighbors!
• New- No time limit required!

Thought: is it add-ress? or ah-dress? Is my inner Midwest girl coming out?

Wishlist

• Start taking my vitamins again. As much as I hate to admit this, I sadly will not be forever young:( So I need to start tricking my body that it is and to hold on to our youth with the magic beans that are Chewable Flintstones vitamins!
• Read my magazines before the start of the month
• Get proper footwear for this coming winter in the city. Winter wet shoes. Winter dry shoes. Winter boots. Winter dress shoes. Winter dress boots.
  
• My dream job. (Please, please, please, please, plea......)
• Rediscover my inner domestic goodness. Get back in touch with my Nigella Lawson side. Have dinner parties!
  

I have just shy of 10 years left until I'm 30! Holy snikies! When did that happen???? Oh my goodness. I feel like I still have SO much I wanna do.....and now there is a time factor.....before I'm old and busted....and now I'm depressed.

Isabella: I love you so much. I hope you know that. Without you in my life I would have never known what it means to be an aunt to someone. To take care of someone, to look after them, and watch them grow. We kinda grew up together you and me. You came into my life when I was 14, and there is where you will forever stay no matter the distance between us. I hope for you to grow up a beautiful girl that focuses more on the inside then the exterior. Make opinions and feelings, and stick to your guns, be a little left of center-it's okay to be different (you will have a lot more fun that way) Don't forget the difference between right and wrong. I know some in your life will try to blur the lines between the two, but do what's right, no matter how hard that may be. Understand and apply what the words truth and honesty mean. Surround yourself with loving people who make you want to be a better person but who also stick to you during the ugly moments of life. Don't be afraid to be sad or scared or worried, or mad, but don't wallow in those emotions forever. Try everything in your power to be happy. Laugh (from deep down in your gut) every single day! Try to the best of your ability to find the good in people, and situations. Don't carry the weight of the world with you. Enjoy being a kid now, this is the only time you can be, and trust me, there will come a day when you will want to be 6 years old again SO BAD! I know things are a little rough right now, but keep that head up girl. Know that I think about you every day, and miss you like crazy. No matter what happens in life, know that you are genuinely loved by your family because you changed our world's forever. I never knew I could love someone I just met as much as I love you. Your my favorite ding-dong! And if you ever need to run away, you are ALWAYS welcomed to New York City to crash with your way cool aunt! I love you like I love farts baby doll! Here's to hoping to seeing you soon...

Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man?*

*taken from the lyrics of Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow which I very heart fully would sing along with my mother while driving to Kroger when I was 12....and the words still apply today:)

Thank goodness for very attractive and assertive male actors. And for very talented and funny and endearing male writers. And for living proof, award winning husbands! You guys saved my life and brought me back to reality. Amanda almost made a BIG boo-boo. Word to the wise, boredom is like peyote to me: when it is in my system.....bad things happen. Now. we are not talking anything at a Hunter S. Thompson level. But I do act and think and probably look (emphasis on "probably" look, as it is mucho difficult for me to look anything less than exceptional!) very, very stupid. However, thanks to some real gentleman that have come on my radar I have been smacked into reality with a big sign that reads "Amanda, hold out for a REAL man, because believe it or not, they are still out there!" So I will no longer keep myself occupied with two bit losers who are the equivalent of white bread, and who cause more frustration in my life than anything else. Well, to you I say, "Good day, sir!" Be on your way. Keep walking, ain't need none of your kind around here.

Now because I am such a good friend, I will give you some of the things that helped me. First, enter Paul Newman. HELLOOOOO Paul Newman. What a man, what a man, what a mighty, mighty good man! Those piercing blue eyes and the air of confidence he has is crazy! His character Ben, in The Long, Hot Summer would have had me in love by the end of June! He knew he wanted Clara, and he was gonna have her. That's it! No ifs, ands, or buts about it! And talking about men, how about Robert Redford? Can I can a get a Hubble. He comes to her rescue, even when he doesn't have to. And he is not afraid to ruffle her feathers or to become genuinely irritated with her. And we can't even talk about men without bringing up the man of the hour: Ryan Gosling. He is a bona fided man! He has a legit personality, and it is consuming. Let's not even talk about how charming and handsome this man is (that is a whole post all on it's own.) But Lars gives the tiniest expression of caring and I go all weak in the knees!

I'm going to just put this out there: i love you Shane Nickerson! With each and every word that I read that you wrote makes my conviction to not get all wrapped up in a half man child that is seriously lacking in substance, that much stronger. Your Post about your kids are so sweet. You can tell that these little things are streaming out of you as if your heart melted, which mine does by the way, EVERY time!

And a big shout out to all the real life husbands that I know that are living like real men everyday! Kicking butt, getting things done. Still being able to maintain a sense of humor, quirky personalities, and handling your 'bidnas appropriately. (You've all scored some pretty amazing woman I might add as well. So kudos for that!) So, again, as a song somewhere, by someone once stated "I'm holding out for a hero!" Well, alright, maybe I should not be that diligent to not comply unless you wear stretchy pants, have a cape, and look totally different having glasses on, and can come to by rescue and whisk me away to the top of the Empire State Building.......but on the issue of being a manly man, and knowing what you want and knowing how to get it, and helping me get things down from the top shelf, or coming to my rescue with car trouble, or calming me down when I get all hyped up and crazy, and not being afraid to stand up to me, but still being gentle, on these things I WILL NOT budge! And I don't completely hate the idea of a cape......

In closing, thanks to all the real men out there that have proved to me not to settle. Thanks for doing you. And DOUBLE thanks for looking so good while you do it! Check you out! Go on with your bad self!

Love, Amanda Marie Kula (a REAL woman:))

A Rant and A Tangent for the Road

WARNING:I just awoke from a two and half hour angry nap. I have been trying extra hard to have a good day, but the universe is playing for pinks today! In the interest of full disclosure, Yes, I realize that there is a high probability of me taking back most of the things I say in this here post, at a later date when I am in a better mood and the sleep marks on my face go away. But for right now, this is how I see it.

This day needs to go back to Middle School and have the crap beat out of it from some freakishly big 12 year old that shows no mercy! Who does today think it's messing with!?!? Mama didn't raise no fool! I refuse, R-E-F-U-S-E, to let you get the best of me! But boy, do you have a lot of friends. Lots and lots of annoying, ugly, beefy friends.

Question, where did you meet the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills wannabe that started my day of SO wrong this morning on the train? My guess is either at a plastic surgeon's waiting room where she awaited her appointment to get botox injected into her eyelids so as never to blink them again, or a sad, pathetic little lounge somewhere on the Upper East Side where she proceeded to get sloppy drunk off of Pinot Grigio. Either way, she was the worst. I cannot believe my worst "someone was staring at me the entire train ride" story is going to be about a seemingly normal looking woman, who after more consideration must have been heavily medicated OR mentally impotent. This woman straight stared for the whole 20 minute ride! And BONUS, was standing less than a foot away from me. Then, when I stared her down right back, it did not even seem to phase her. What is wrong with her? I should let you know, when I moved so as not to completely lose it, and I checked you hard on your left shoulder, that was on purpose. And that was minute compared to what I wanted to do. Let me give you a hint: digital orb extraction! When people stare, it does something to me that not a whole lot else does. It's like every sensor in my body flashes red with anger.

Oh, and your good 'ole pal the weather. What crawled up his butt and died? Does he suffer from long term memory loss? Or does he just not have a calendar? We are just a few days away from October, where we usually have crisp autumn days, where you can neither get too hot nor too cold. It is just right. So these two weeks of muggy, humid, 80 degree days where the sun never shines and the air is so thick and damp and there is a constant drizzle of rain like someone did not turn of the faucet completely-I have had enough of it! Especially because I held out to cut my bangs until the humid weather was done. So I did and the VERY next flippin' day you go all menopausal on me and decide to have another hot flash, that we all have to suffer along with you?!? You suck!

And your best friend, my job, what a absolute pleasure she is! Thine Enemy! Why can't she just leave it alone? Nothing needs to change. Keep it the same, everything is working fine. No need to get all temper mental. She changes her mood and her mind so much that we all suffer whiplash on a weekly basis. Look, I do not want more responsibility. I want to be able to peace out whenever I darn well feel like, without even a big deal needed. I do not want to invest anymore than I already have into this job. Because, after all, that is all she is, a job. Not my career. She is just a means to end at the moment. Not a lasting, loving relationship. And having to be there, the little that I am, forces me to deal with some of the most taxing type of people. These are the things that I am constantly shouting in my head when I am talking to some of them:

Temp: Speak up! YES! You can ask me a question, and you don't always have to ask if you can ask a question before you ask a question. AAAHHHHHHH!!!! And, FYI, it's Bergdorf Goodman, not Bengood Gillman. Idiot!

K: Shut up! Quit being so loud and obnoxious. Yes, we all see you. ALL the attention is on you. Happy? Oh, and bring me my Chobani! Who steals some one's yogurt. You freak! Oh, and answer your darn phone! Quit taking 3 hour naps at work! And bring your key, I am not opening the door for you anymore, especially because you have a bladder of an 89 year old woman who birthed 20 kids. Oh, and PS-your rude!

D: Go back upstairs! You are not that special. You are not Ramona Singer! Stop acting like it. And your not all that funny either. I laugh at you when your NOT trying to be funny, not the other way around, so don't get it twisted! Oh, and no one cares that you live in Queens!

C: Quit being nasty. No one wants to hear dirty stuff all day long. We all get it. You used to be heavier, now your skinny and a big flirt, congratulations to you.....(eye rolling sarcastically)

Food, my only friend in the world. How good you are to me! Your mac and cheese was just what I needed. And my Ben and Jerry's, the two men in the world who will NEVER let you down, was just heavenly. I vaguely remember myself being such a positive, happy girl. I don't get it. What happened? Now, the things I hear the most is "why are you so mean?" and "geez! what is that look for?" Listen people, I'm sorry! 96% of the time, I am NOT TRYING to be mean. But, have you ever stopped to think that when a person is trying to be good and nice but she keeps getting the "mean card" slapped in her face, that might, just might, effect her mood? You haven't? Jerks! The best I can give you right now is that I'm working on it. I am a constant work in progress. And you can ask anyone who I have hurt in the past, I am not too good for apologies.(also this little tidbit should go down on the pros side of the list of just how NOT mean I am. A mean person would never apologize. 'nuff said!) And as far as all the comments about by face. I can't believe I even have to explain this one. I'm sorry, but who loves hearing that there is something unpleasant about their face? Jerks! I am NOT giving a look, so apparently that is just how my face looks! Leave it alone! Quit bringing it up. And even IF I WAS giving a face, why would you want to push the issue. Wouldn't my look trigger something in that pea-size brain of yours to back up and run for cover? No? Idiot!

Also, major love to people who hand out unsolicited dating advice. Wow, you are a special brand of people aren't you? I particularly love when you use big words, and confusing little illustration to try to prove your moot point. So let me get this straight, according to you, I need to be the one trophy that makes him be like Yes! (???) Because the more numbers the higher the value? And I need to string along a bunch of guys because if they know other dudes are creeping in on their territory, their love will be much deeper and sincere? Really? Are you kidding me? Who asked you? Newsflash: I AM NOT DATING ANYONE! And even if I was, I still would not agree with a single thing you said. The cherry on top was when you told me that it's all my fault, my problem! Wow, what big balls we have! What exactly is my fault? The fact that I am not dating anyone? Yes, it IS my choice not to be in a relationship. My fault/my problem that crazies such as yourself give me the strangest "advice"? Nope! Wrong! Not my fault in the slightest. I did not ask for it. And, I'm sorry, "the more numbers the higher the value" What is that? If you have more of anything it makes it LESS special. That is why when something is RARE or ONE OF A KIND, it is held with such high regard and worth way more. Did you follow me on that one? No? Okay, well how bout you go find the rest of your crew and jump into the mystery machine to go save other people from irrational, and absurd trouble.

You will not win day! Just give up! Take out that little white flag of yours and wave it for all to see. Now I cannot think of a better way to celebrate my victory then having a nice glass of red wine. Even though I will have to use my Pyrex measuring cup because our 2 glasses are dirty, and I don't feel like washing dishes, and all the rest are already packed up. But I'm not ashamed, I STILL win!;)

Introducing Mr. Unexpected-Confident-And-At-Times-Shy-Interesting-And-All-Around-Confusing-And-Strange-And-Throughly-Frustrating

nervous belly

In the ever true words of Liz Lemon, "Blurg!"

Hey buster, I'm about done. Thanks to you I have officially become a crazy, neurotic (added to what already existed), completely confused, and unimaginably frustrated, pathetic girl! Are you happy with yourself?!!? I'm not like this, I don't know how to be "this girl". It is especially anger inducing when I see you and you appear to be all calm, cool, and collected-not having to suffer a single drop of our......well precisely! Whatever "we" are! While me on the other hand is practically on the verge of vomit about every 12 minutes. I hate to admit it, because it will make me appear to have lost all good sense and better judgment, and will pin the pink star of "typical, stereotype girl" on me, but, because you refuse to lay down some serious truths you make me resort to playing this all out in my head. Which, for your information, in case you care, is completely exhausting!

And just so you know, you are turning out to be one of the most frustrating, yet verbally matching individuals I have ever met! The thing that gets me is that you have the skills of saying things just the way they need to be said, when they need to be said, I've witnessed it. It's partly what makes you interesting. However, oh boy how big of a HOWEVER that is turning out to be! You've been having these moments of complete silence, all directed towards me! I don't get it! I mean, I can take a hint, alright so a guy suddenly stops talking to me, fine, you've lost interests, I get it. But, a ha! The always elusive, and honest, and mysterious and oh so powerful but....What was I saying? Oh yea, but, so you don't talk to me, but you continue to stare, and you get as close as possible to me and talk to EVERYONE around me, but will omit little ole me. But you will stare. Is this staring supposed to somehow magically get me under a spell to come up and do all the talking? If so, NOT WORKING! It's just pissing me off. I consider myself a rather exceptional conversationalist. So by you not talking to me, really hurts me feelings (the little that I have). When I catch you staring I am almost always on the verge of screaming "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?"

There in lines the truth: What do you want from me? Can you honestly say that you have no feelings for me whatsoever? Why is it that you treat me differently than everyone else? I have a feeling that if I confront you, there is a possibility that you will try to back peddle of out it. I know that you are currently enjoying your singleness, as am I. I know you say that you freak out in relationships, as do I. But all that is dancing around the issue. Do you like me or not? It is possible to still like someone but not be ready for a relationship. Because, and here it is, if you can honestly tell me that you have no feelings for me, then I'm going to have to ask you to stop. Stop seeking me out at parties and talking to me forever. Stop making me laugh. Stop laughing at my jokes. Stop being able to keep up with me on a conversational level. Stop putting me in my place when I need it. Stop making me feel like a monster when I get a little upset with you, most of the time it is justifiable. Stop the needless always needing to take my hand. Stop saying things like "when are we gonna get to know each other" and "does that mean I'm not your favorite person anymore?" and "yea, I got your memo, I took it out of my back pocket and read it", I mean COME ON! And please stop the staring. Because, if you cannot handle to give me the decency of a few pure, raw, and honest sentences about your feelings, then you don't deserve to be able to do any of that stuff to me.

Now, if you would excuse me, I think it is about time to emotionally vomit, yet again!

Log Entry 1: To New Beginnings

Dearest Diary,

Congratulations! You made it! Woo-hoo! (streamers exploding, fireworks lighting the sky, crowd carrying you on their shoulders, shouts of your name filling the air) Ah. Good. Got that out of your system? Okay, I good, cause I have some news. It is September 1st. Time to start ALL over again. You better take a deep breath baby, its square one that appears right before you. But, have no fear, you can do it! This time around you know what to expect, and you are much wiser (ha!) and have more experience (true) this time around. It is going to be fine. F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic, and E-emotional. Yep! You are going to be just f-i-n-e!

Now could we be freaking out that we are almost in the exact same boat as we were this time last year? Sure. Are we going to be?........I really want to say no. Okay, so I will, NO! It is no big deal that you still do not have the exact job that you want. But you are making it work. It is no big deal that you have to move again, the exact same time you had to last year. Which okay, let's allow ourselves the pleasure to have a giant gasp about how freaky the time lines are resembling each other. GASP! But, this time it is different. There is no "couch crashing" in your future. You know exactly where you are going. It worked out perfectly (relatively speaking of course)!

Now could I be feeling insecure? Of course! I am a girl. One of the perks of having a vagina is having the right to be insecure whenever I darn well feel like it! But, I am not an insecure person. I am using this term as it applies to being anxious and uneasy, when it comes to my trip back home. Don't get it twisted. I LOVE my family. They are so much a part of me it is ridiculous! However, my 1st trip back home was not the best. I was so frustrated and annoyed. It did not feel like the "home" I was used too. So much had changed. Were you stupid to think that you could leave and move on with your life and everything back home would just stay exactly the same anxiously waiting for my return? I think not! I blame movies for this unrealistic depiction of the coming home montage! I just remember thinking, "I cannot WAIT to get back to New York. I do NOT belong here anymore!" Then, the 10 hour car ride back came. Oh vey! What a doosie that turned out to be! Question: Have you ever sobbed for 8 hours straight before, in a car, all by yourself? Yea. I hadn't either until that horrendous day. I forever hate Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey because they saw Amanda breakdown and cry. All the sudden, a huge tidal wave of hurt and sadness, and fear, hit me at about 4 am as I was passing over the state line. And hot, ugly, ginormous tears followed soon after, seeming to have an endless supply. I couldn't even really tell you why I was crying. It was a combination of so many things. The biggest was the frustration that I no longer had a home. The only home I had ever known was no longer there. And my new home was so temporary, and transitional, and not mine. So after all that being said, am I anxious about going back home again after all that hot-messness? Heck yes!

Now what could we be neurotic about? Ha! Seriously? What kinda question is that? Let's rephrase that to what don't we have to be neurotic about? I love you, but surely you must know that we are a crazy girl! But it is such an endearing quality (cough). I cannot tell you not to over think everything and anything, because let's face it, I know you too well to know that won't happen. But let's try keeping it in check. Maybe only do that with one thing a day. And let's try not to get all Joan Crawford on the guy at the deli when he puts a whole container of cream cheese on one side of your bagel and not a single drop on the other! "NO INCONSISTENT CREAM CHEESE EVER!!!!!!!"

Now what could we be emotional over? Eh'hem...see previous paragraph. But here is the big thing. How about we try not to be emotional over the fact that we are a tad bit (un pequito) emotionally strange. In this day and age, who isn't? So you don't quite understand why you feel the way you. Not the end of the world. And here is the BIG one. Stop agonizing over whether you like said boy or just the idea of him. If you like him, you will know. Done and done.

Also, lets try eat a little bit better, re cultivate some of our domestic skills, and do a change up/makeover with our style, shall we? I'm in! Sounds good to me too! Splendid! This is going to be our year. Cheers! Oh, champagne! Don't mind if I do:)

We Shed What Was Left of Our Summer Skin

Summer is almost over with. How sad is that? It seems to have rushed by so fast. You remember as a kid that you lazed around for all of June, and then July seemed like you if you were gonna go on vacation-that is when you went. And then before you even knew it, August was knocking at your door with September following closing behind, completely uninvited. And then the night before school was to start you were completely miserable and almost on the verge of a complete breakdown, trying to rationalize how on earth you could get out of this impending doom and make summer go on forever? Well that, my friends, does not go away when you get older.

Since by the world's standards, summer is officially over and done with once the ugly, stupid, annoying, and bed-wetter "cousin" of all other dates, the always dreaded Labor Day is upon us. It's only a few measly days away and I feel the impending weight of real life approaching. This can't happen! I have not done most of the things that I wanted to do with you summer! No! I will not let you leave! I love you. I need you! Doesn't that mean anything to you? I'll do anything! What do you want me to do? Grovel? I can do that. (on my knees, eyes filled slightly with tears, hands together, looking up...and let the pleading begin) Please, please, please do not leave me. My life is empty and uneventful when you are not here. I know I don't always treat you right, or respect you. But I can change. I can learn to love all that is you, including the intense heat, the humidity, the smell you give this city, and all the sweat. I am addicted to you. You give me a feeling that nothing else can. When you are around the air is different, its filled with sweet smells, laughter, grasshoppers, and the gentle swishing of bicylces rolling by. You make my world bright. Without you, I am in darkness! Doing certain things is not the same without you around. Going outside is a task. The park isn't fun anymore. The beach, oh the beach, that is "our" place, I don't dare go there without you. People always comment on how I'm "glowing" when you are in my life, and I know it is because of you. In short, I am the best version of myself with you. Please don't take that away from me!

However, in the event that Summer does decide to leave me. I feel that I need to prepare myself. I will miss the warmth that the air brings. The sweet breezes that come at night. The feeling of wearing the perfect summer dress. All the outdoor events. The relaxation that a day at the beach can give you, that nothing else on this planet can do, it is like free therapy. The joy that comes with eating an amazing meal (or even the summer essential that is chips, guacamole, and a margarita) on a patio or rooftop! When you are here, the whole city changes, its like you force everyone to take a deep breath and just relax. But this is how you have been my whole life. You come, and rock my world, and just when I completely loose myself in you, you decide to leave. I know Summer promises that he will return and bring all of you back with him. But, the thought of loosing all of you is too much! Please, try to convince him to stay. The world is a better place when Summer is around.