Dearest Diary,
Congratulations! You made it! Woo-hoo! (streamers exploding, fireworks lighting the sky, crowd carrying you on their shoulders, shouts of your name filling the air) Ah. Good. Got that out of your system? Okay, I good, cause I have some news. It is September 1st. Time to start ALL over again. You better take a deep breath baby, its square one that appears right before you. But, have no fear, you can do it! This time around you know what to expect, and you are much wiser (ha!) and have more experience (true) this time around. It is going to be fine. F-freaked out, I-insecure, N-neurotic, and E-emotional. Yep! You are going to be just f-i-n-e!
Now could we be freaking out that we are almost in the exact same boat as we were this time last year? Sure. Are we going to be?........I really want to say no. Okay, so I will, NO! It is no big deal that you still do not have the exact job that you want. But you are making it work. It is no big deal that you have to move again, the exact same time you had to last year. Which okay, let's allow ourselves the pleasure to have a giant gasp about how freaky the time lines are resembling each other. GASP! But, this time it is different. There is no "couch crashing" in your future. You know exactly where you are going. It worked out perfectly (relatively speaking of course)!
Now could I be feeling insecure? Of course! I am a girl. One of the perks of having a vagina is having the right to be insecure whenever I darn well feel like it! But, I am not an insecure person. I am using this term as it applies to being anxious and uneasy, when it comes to my trip back home. Don't get it twisted. I LOVE my family. They are so much a part of me it is ridiculous! However, my 1st trip back home was not the best. I was so frustrated and annoyed. It did not feel like the "home" I was used too. So much had changed. Were you stupid to think that you could leave and move on with your life and everything back home would just stay exactly the same anxiously waiting for my return? I think not! I blame movies for this unrealistic depiction of the coming home montage! I just remember thinking, "I cannot WAIT to get back to New York. I do NOT belong here anymore!" Then, the 10 hour car ride back came. Oh vey! What a doosie that turned out to be! Question: Have you ever sobbed for 8 hours straight before, in a car, all by yourself? Yea. I hadn't either until that horrendous day. I forever hate Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey because they saw Amanda breakdown and cry. All the sudden, a huge tidal wave of hurt and sadness, and fear, hit me at about 4 am as I was passing over the state line. And hot, ugly, ginormous tears followed soon after, seeming to have an endless supply. I couldn't even really tell you why I was crying. It was a combination of so many things. The biggest was the frustration that I no longer had a home. The only home I had ever known was no longer there. And my new home was so temporary, and transitional, and not mine. So after all that being said, am I anxious about going back home again after all that hot-messness? Heck yes!
Now what could we be neurotic about? Ha! Seriously? What kinda question is that? Let's rephrase that to what don't we have to be neurotic about? I love you, but surely you must know that we are a crazy girl! But it is such an endearing quality (cough). I cannot tell you not to over think everything and anything, because let's face it, I know you too well to know that won't happen. But let's try keeping it in check. Maybe only do that with one thing a day. And let's try not to get all Joan Crawford on the guy at the deli when he puts a whole container of cream cheese on one side of your bagel and not a single drop on the other! "NO INCONSISTENT CREAM CHEESE EVER!!!!!!!"
Now what could we be emotional over? Eh'hem...see previous paragraph. But here is the big thing. How about we try not to be emotional over the fact that we are a tad bit (un pequito) emotionally strange. In this day and age, who isn't? So you don't quite understand why you feel the way you. Not the end of the world. And here is the BIG one. Stop agonizing over whether you like said boy or just the idea of him. If you like him, you will know. Done and done.
Also, lets try eat a little bit better, re cultivate some of our domestic skills, and do a change up/makeover with our style, shall we? I'm in! Sounds good to me too! Splendid! This is going to be our year. Cheers! Oh, champagne! Don't mind if I do:)
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