We Shed What Was Left of Our Summer Skin

Summer is almost over with. How sad is that? It seems to have rushed by so fast. You remember as a kid that you lazed around for all of June, and then July seemed like you if you were gonna go on vacation-that is when you went. And then before you even knew it, August was knocking at your door with September following closing behind, completely uninvited. And then the night before school was to start you were completely miserable and almost on the verge of a complete breakdown, trying to rationalize how on earth you could get out of this impending doom and make summer go on forever? Well that, my friends, does not go away when you get older.

Since by the world's standards, summer is officially over and done with once the ugly, stupid, annoying, and bed-wetter "cousin" of all other dates, the always dreaded Labor Day is upon us. It's only a few measly days away and I feel the impending weight of real life approaching. This can't happen! I have not done most of the things that I wanted to do with you summer! No! I will not let you leave! I love you. I need you! Doesn't that mean anything to you? I'll do anything! What do you want me to do? Grovel? I can do that. (on my knees, eyes filled slightly with tears, hands together, looking up...and let the pleading begin) Please, please, please do not leave me. My life is empty and uneventful when you are not here. I know I don't always treat you right, or respect you. But I can change. I can learn to love all that is you, including the intense heat, the humidity, the smell you give this city, and all the sweat. I am addicted to you. You give me a feeling that nothing else can. When you are around the air is different, its filled with sweet smells, laughter, grasshoppers, and the gentle swishing of bicylces rolling by. You make my world bright. Without you, I am in darkness! Doing certain things is not the same without you around. Going outside is a task. The park isn't fun anymore. The beach, oh the beach, that is "our" place, I don't dare go there without you. People always comment on how I'm "glowing" when you are in my life, and I know it is because of you. In short, I am the best version of myself with you. Please don't take that away from me!

However, in the event that Summer does decide to leave me. I feel that I need to prepare myself. I will miss the warmth that the air brings. The sweet breezes that come at night. The feeling of wearing the perfect summer dress. All the outdoor events. The relaxation that a day at the beach can give you, that nothing else on this planet can do, it is like free therapy. The joy that comes with eating an amazing meal (or even the summer essential that is chips, guacamole, and a margarita) on a patio or rooftop! When you are here, the whole city changes, its like you force everyone to take a deep breath and just relax. But this is how you have been my whole life. You come, and rock my world, and just when I completely loose myself in you, you decide to leave. I know Summer promises that he will return and bring all of you back with him. But, the thought of loosing all of you is too much! Please, try to convince him to stay. The world is a better place when Summer is around.

Where Have All the Sam Baldwins Gone?

So what, you may wonder, is Amanda doing on a Friday morning at 11:22 on a day in August? Besides listening to the best online radio station EVER! (I created it to the mixture of perfection with Bob Marley+Feist+Foster the People+Santogold+Tony Bennet+Salt n Peppa+Black Keys+Jay-Z+Sade=Music GOLD!!!!!) (Also, props to Pandora for having the kindness to allow it's listeners with a wide range of musical taste (me!) to have a plethora of theirs faves to keep streaming at them all day long without judgment that yes, in fact I do wanna hear Kanye slay it, right after I hear Babs belt it!) And besides me having an ongoing argument with Basum (an annoying interpreter who is a pain in my tuchas!), he has said repeatedly that I am lying to him, and that Michelle is NOT in a meeting, and that she is just avoiding him. Nah, Mr. Paranoid, she is a manager, ssooooo...they frequently have meetings thru out the day. Also, as I side point, I know you don't know me all too well, but I would have no problem telling you that yes, she does not want to speak to you! And besides trying to deflect all the nervous energy over Hurricane Irene making her big city debut this weekend. This one is a bit scary, I will admit that. My Dad is permanently glued to The Weather Channel (as previous post stated) and has been calling and texting all these updates and wanting to know my game plan. Game plan!?!? Um, listen pops, Debi and I have a repeated date to go to the beach every single Sunday, so.....Ima gonna keep my word and hit that surf up! He, however, did not appreciate that joke. I cannot imagine why not. Easy up Pops! Don't be such a worry wort! But people are are starting to get paranoid, and in NYC, paranoia is worse than a bed bug epidemic. So here is my game plan, Dad-pay attention, I am going to pack a bag (filled with: laptop, movies, sweats, tuna fish, Oreos, toothbrush, and other essentials) and head over to Ian and Christina's and take shelter there for a day or two with Debi, Kia, and Bax-a-Frass! It might even end up being fun! I'm sorry, but with my positive attitude, who wouldn't want me on their emergency evacuation team?

But am I concerning myself with all that stuff today? Nope! Okay, well I guess I am, but only like 15% of myself is calculating all those things. Instead, the question of the day is: Why, oh why, did you (said boy from last post) not talk to me the other night? Me? Paranoid??!? Maybe. Just a tad. But I'm sorry, any other time we have seen each other, you seek me out and we talk. We've talked so long that others have even noticed that we are in fact still talking. And okay, yea, maybe because I did not fully know how to proceed from our previous conversation, I did not go up to you and initiate a convo. However, I got the feeling that you were intentionally NOT talking to me. Could I be making that up, in my crazy (cute) and neurotic (wonderful) mind of mine? Maybe. Maybe not. But immediately I thought of the rule from He's Just Not That Into You. A hybrid of rules #1&2- He is just not that into me if he is not asking me out/calling me. Grumble. I never ever! Let me repeat. NEVER, EVER!!! Wanted to be one of those girls that even knows all those dumb "rules", or even factors them into her life in any, way, shape, or form. Period. On the other hand... Aha! Yes, the other hand. Let's not forget about that other dude, shall we. Oh, other hand, how I love thee! It has been in my many, and insightful past experiences (that is a lie), that some times, not to be confused with all the time, but just some times, silence says so much more than words ever could. I say this because, I wanted to talk to you. But I didn't. Even more so, I wanted you to talk to me. And I'm pretty sure you could have picked up on that. Right? I mean guys can't be that dense. Right? Even though I felt you purposefully would not talk to me. I did still see you looking at me. More than once, or twice, or thrice....you get the picture. So why you looking if your not interested? Am I right? But let me give this buster a little tid bit about me and how I operate. If you keep this game up, I will get either a) bored or b) angry. Either outcome will eventually end in me completely erasing you off the map and acting like you do not exist. Harsh but true. I'm sorry, that is just how it happens. So do yourself a favor and actually activate that so called "game" you've been blabbing about before I end up like a Beyonce song to you, "I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had!"

Seriously, why can't life be like Tom Hank's character in Sleepless in Seattle? Do you remember when he was on the phone with the radio station talking about how wonderful his wife was? "Well, how long is your program? Well, it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were supposed to be together... and I knew it. I knew it the very first time I touched her. It was like coming home... only to no home I'd ever known... I was just taking her hand to help her out of a car and I knew. It was like... magic." Oh. swoon:)

The Tail End of a Bad Case of Verbal Constipation and Emotional Diarrhea

As the above has stated, I have been sick. But not a sick that I am used to. Actually, come to think of it, I am rarely sick (notice the lack of doctor's visits in the past...5+years) so really any type of sickness is not my forte'. As of late, its been that ole brain and that organ deep in my chest cavity...what's it called? Oh, yea, my heart, that have come down with a little something, something. It has been a while since these two have come under the weather at the same time. So as you can imagine, I am not quite myself.

Yes, let's just get it out of the way, this post is in fact about a boy. What else? I'm sorry. This has been a repeating topic in my life and it always confuses me, and this blog is where I talk about all my confusion, so----this is what you get! Deal with it, cause I have too! If you have read any of my previous post, I have said repeatedly that the options in the guy department are SLIM. I can without a doubt say that I knew maybe a total of 3 guys my whole life that were truly great. One of those is married already and the other 2 I do not know what happened to them. And that is fine. Really, and truly it is. I've never been one of those girls who cannot function on her own. Or who is so desperate to be married. Or who is such a huntress that every time she meets a male, she sizes them up for husband potential. Those women annoy me. But, let's not get off subject. All that means, simply, that I am not looking for anyone. It will happen when it happens.

This does not mean, however, that I do not think about, or wish (right in that moment) that I did have a little "sugar" in my life. Ha! Can I just say, it is so weird for even me to admit that to myself. Also, considering the fact that most of the guys I have met within this past year have been LAME! Not anything going on to make you stop and think, "oh!" Good looking? Sure! But they have nothing going on inside. No personality. They are just a shell of a person. And me, being the inquisitive child that I am, I like to dig real deep and open up people's brains and take a walk around. So when you are empty, there is no fun for me.

But dare I say, something has peaked my interests. Or should I say someone. Now, here in lies the confusion. Am I interested in you? Or, do I just like the fact that you are different and you actually have substance? I don't know. But here is what I do know. I have this slight giggly feeling about myself. I have been making sure my appearance has been not a total mess as it usually is. I have been thinking about some of the things you said, trying to see what you meant when you said, "when are we gonna get to know each other better?" And yes, I have had discussions with my girls as to what that meant too. Usually, I am a talker, but when conversing with you, I take a very active role in listening. Along with that, I have a rep for calling out people when they say certain things, but with you, its not until after that I go "wait! what?" I do wonder if you like me. Sometimes I think yes, other times I think not.

Okay, I got wrap this thing up, because there is just WAY too many feelings flying around here. I'm getting uncomfortable. So in closing, I know at times I carry myself like a dragon lady. But I'm really just a softy that has specific likes and dislikes. It might "seem" like I have my life together, but I do not. I'm just good at pretending and some times you need to lie to yourself so as not to freak out over every little thing. In short, I am not as scary and "put together" as I come off to be. You are interesting, and you do cross my mind. There I said it! And the absolute, purest truth....if you were to call me.....I wouldn't hate it.

The Man Mentality

I have been confused and frustrated with the male species. Usually, you guys are my favorite. Easy to talk to, relaxed, funny, easy to pick on and mess with, no drama. But as of late, you have become worse than a group of cackling Betty's! I think that this can all be traced back to one man in my life, my Dad.

Dad, you know I love you. But, you frustrate me. Worse yet, I'm starting to realize that I barely know you, at all. How is that possible? I have literally known you my whole life. We lived under the same roof for 21 years. We ate every meal together. We had countless conversations. You drove me to school almost every day of my life. We vacationed together. I cried to you about the goings on in my life. I have witnessed the few momentous times when you have cried over the goings on in your life. We have had some big arguments. You've seen my ugly side, and I have seen yours. But somehow, you still feel like a stranger. At one point in my life, I just accepted that you just didn't have a whole lot going on, that you were a simple man and that is how you liked it. Now, I'm getting the feeling that there is a dark, heaviness lying in you, and a scared little boy that has been locked away and topped with crippling anxiety over everything, all covered up with the front of a non confrontational, simple man who is content with life.

You are unbelievably stubborn. I know that I get that from you. You plant yourself in and will not budge. Sometimes it feels like trying to move a skyscraper. But why are you like that? You are also a big talker. You can just talk and talk and talk about all this stuff, but you never back it up with actions. Well, I guess "never" is a big word, I should say "very sparingly". Why do you do that? Do you realize that we pretty much have the same conversation every single time I call you? I don't want to talk about the weather with you for the 50th time, I live like 5 states away, the weather is the same as yours, even though it is irrelevant because you watch the Weather Channel all day anyways, so you already know. And I don't want to hear all about what everyone else is doing, what are YOU doing with YOUR life Dad? Why do you make yourself out to be older than you really are? Why do you quit as soon as something gets a little bit tough? Why do you instantly get into hermit formation when life hands you lemons? Do you want to know me at all? I feel like you are scared to get to know your family. And that you are just as frightened to let them get to know you.

Some times I wish you had more of a "heavy hand". I can remember saying things to you like you were a child or a friend, not my father. And you just took it. You didn't even get mad. I think that is part of the reason why I feel I can do that to every person, more specifically-men. I tell them just how it is and what they need to do. I can remember being 17 and you and I were talking in your office about John, and I remember saying to you "to grow some balls and be a man and just take care of it!" I should not have said that to you, but you never told me not to. Somehow I have subconsciously taken on the role of demanding every guy to bring out "the man" within them. "Be a man" and "Man up!" may be some of the most frequent things I say. As a result, I feel like I have taken on attributes that men should have and just saying "screw it! I'll just take care of it myself!", so I have a hard time respecting guys some times. I want to respect you Dad. I want to know who you are. I want to have all trust and confidence in you.

If You Were a Library Book, I'd Check You Out!

Holy, moly, me OH my!

I don't know what has gotten into the water, or the weather, or if the pages of GQ are coming to life or what....but there be some good looking men out and about in Brooklyn lately! Seriously, I'm almost wondering if an epidemic has struck.

I mean, sure, there are handsome people everywhere, everyday. But it seems that they have all gathered within a few miles of each other this past week. And I am NOT complaining. We all know how I have an attraction to Asian men. Well, let's define that, I like Asian but not "too Asian", they have to have that lil something extra about them. And they cannot be too short. Yesterday I hit the jackpot in that department when I was in Trader Joe's after work! I fell in love with 3 different Asian "McDreamy"s, one in the produce section, another in the pasta aisle, and the last standing in the check out line. It took all of my strength to resist going up to one of them and proposing marriage right there next to the Joe's Os!

Then today, on my way into work as I was walking down one of my favorite streets, again I spotted some ridiculously attractive guys. One was walking down from his apartment, and I swear everything went into slow motion. He was wearing the absolute, quintessential, always attractive, man outfit. Dark boots: check! Dark-nice-fitting-not-too-tight-slightly-rugged-jeans: check! A clean, white, cotton t-shirt: check! A dark, worn leather jacket, not too bulky, but just enough James Dean: check! Aviators: check! Great tousled hair, and slight stubble: check and check! I tried not to gawk at him. However that difficulty level jumped from manageable to impossible once he got on his MOTORCYCLE!! Sigh. And then he smiled at me, and I probably changed 4 different shades of red, because I was busted! He caught me completely eyeballing him. I'm sorry but what is a girl to do? He was straight pulling off that look like no one's business!

Also, I am a sucker for dogs. I notice them before I notice people. But one frisky dog noticed me first. I was standing on the corner, waiting to cross the street, trying to recover from watching the man of my dreams drive off on his motorcycle, when all the sudden I felt something wet and furry on my leg. And before I could investigate, the dog's nose went right up my dress! HEY! Watch it, you animal! He was bold, but he was also a big softy! His name was Earl and he was a happy golden retriever. I only know the name because his owner shouted it as he pulled him away and apologized. Then I saw that Earl had a pretty cute friend! He looked like a mix between a drummer, and carpenter. And all I could do was smile. A big, idiot, grin. Then, there was another dog. This time a french bull dog, and his equally french looking owner. "Hey, how are you today?" he said so sincerely as I walked past him and his dog, who was peeing-but we can forget that. "Great! How about you?" I said ever so casually. "Can't complain. It's lookin' up!" Ditto my friend, ditto! No complaints here. And then he said, "See you later." Oh boy. There is something very attractive about a guy with a dog, style, and an ease about him to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

I feel like I need to prepare myself for tomorrow. Get my game face on. And repeat to myself not to look like a complete turd if I do happen to run into, let's say...Mark Wahlberg.

Really?!?! Wow!

What is the obsession with coming up with all these over-the-top elaborate lies? I think the human race is becoming dumber. If you don't want to do something, just say so. If you messed up, just man up to it. So much more work is involved when you go the other route. And BONUS! you look a big doof!

A co-worker recently put in her resignation. Fine. I get it. No need to explain. You are the 4th person to have that job in less than a year. No one is gonna scratch their head as to why you are leaving. It's more likely they would if you continued to stick around! So why not just make your peace and leave? Was it necessary to say that the reason for your departure was because you are going to Stanford for law school?!?! REALLY?!?! Stanford? Law School? Hhmmmmm. Let's break this lie down in about 2 minutes, shall we?

1. Stanford-As in: Ivy League. As in lots and lots of $$$$. As in one of the most difficult and challenging schools to get into to. I'm pretty sure this is the one thing that solidified that this was in fact a lie. How many people do you know that went to Stanford Law School? That ratio is low I believe.
2. Law School- As in: becoming a lawyer. Um, you get confused by the phone......so.......i'm guessing The BAR is not going to be a cake walk for you.
3. The timing- You put your two weeks in, taking you to about mid to late August. Fall semester starts in a little more than a week. Is that enough time for you to pack up your life in NY and move to California? How do you think Stanford Law School feels about tardiness or absence?

Seriously, when I heard this I laughed. Then when I heard you were "busted" for lying about all this, I laughed even harder. I mean, shame on them for believing you in the first place, but shame on you for even trying it! The cherry on the top is that our old office manager also used this "excuse" when she decided to leave. "I'm going back to school to get my Masters!" Really??!!? You? The idiot who can't figure out how to open a door, and who flunked out of Beauty School? Come on ladies! You are giving girls a bad rep for being the most obnoxious liars! And, for being dumb! And, as a fellow female, this reflects bad on me. The saddest part is, they sound so familiar to the plot of Legally Blonde, which is not a compliment, in case you were wondering.

Next time you want to quit, all you have to say is that I quit, I do not want to work here anymore, this job is not for me! That's it! Or be really truthful and say that you do not agree with how the business is ran. But whatever it is, do not speak of "higher education" as being the sole reason.

Also, if you call in sick Monday morning, do not lie about having food poisoning (for the 3rd time in 8 months) from the 2, 10 piece nuggets, 1 big mac, and 1 fish fillet you ate last night. Don't drag down the clean and pure name that is McDonalds! I mean I sure after ALL that food, you would be dead anyways. And I kinda don't believe you simply because you say you didn't get any fries. Who doesn't get fries? Liars, thats who! Just tell the truth, your calling in sick because you are hung over or you have "alcohol poisoning" if you are so inclined to be poisoned.

Quotes

Reason, in faith thou art well served, that still

Wouldst babbling be with sense and love in me;

I rather wished thee climb the Muses' hill,

Or reach the fruit of Nature's choicest tree;

or seek heaven's course, or heaven's inside to see.

Why shouldst thou toil our thorny soil to till?

Leave sense, and those which sense's object be:

Deal thou with powers of thoughts, leave love to will.

But thou wouldst needs fight both with love and sense,

With sword of wit, giving wounds of dispraise,

Till down-right blows did foil thy cunning fence;

For soon as they strake thee with Stella's rays,

reason thou kneel'dst and offeredst straight to prove

by reason good, good reason her to love.

Sir Philip Sidney