The Tail End of a Bad Case of Verbal Constipation and Emotional Diarrhea

As the above has stated, I have been sick. But not a sick that I am used to. Actually, come to think of it, I am rarely sick (notice the lack of doctor's visits in the past...5+years) so really any type of sickness is not my forte'. As of late, its been that ole brain and that organ deep in my chest cavity...what's it called? Oh, yea, my heart, that have come down with a little something, something. It has been a while since these two have come under the weather at the same time. So as you can imagine, I am not quite myself.

Yes, let's just get it out of the way, this post is in fact about a boy. What else? I'm sorry. This has been a repeating topic in my life and it always confuses me, and this blog is where I talk about all my confusion, so----this is what you get! Deal with it, cause I have too! If you have read any of my previous post, I have said repeatedly that the options in the guy department are SLIM. I can without a doubt say that I knew maybe a total of 3 guys my whole life that were truly great. One of those is married already and the other 2 I do not know what happened to them. And that is fine. Really, and truly it is. I've never been one of those girls who cannot function on her own. Or who is so desperate to be married. Or who is such a huntress that every time she meets a male, she sizes them up for husband potential. Those women annoy me. But, let's not get off subject. All that means, simply, that I am not looking for anyone. It will happen when it happens.

This does not mean, however, that I do not think about, or wish (right in that moment) that I did have a little "sugar" in my life. Ha! Can I just say, it is so weird for even me to admit that to myself. Also, considering the fact that most of the guys I have met within this past year have been LAME! Not anything going on to make you stop and think, "oh!" Good looking? Sure! But they have nothing going on inside. No personality. They are just a shell of a person. And me, being the inquisitive child that I am, I like to dig real deep and open up people's brains and take a walk around. So when you are empty, there is no fun for me.

But dare I say, something has peaked my interests. Or should I say someone. Now, here in lies the confusion. Am I interested in you? Or, do I just like the fact that you are different and you actually have substance? I don't know. But here is what I do know. I have this slight giggly feeling about myself. I have been making sure my appearance has been not a total mess as it usually is. I have been thinking about some of the things you said, trying to see what you meant when you said, "when are we gonna get to know each other better?" And yes, I have had discussions with my girls as to what that meant too. Usually, I am a talker, but when conversing with you, I take a very active role in listening. Along with that, I have a rep for calling out people when they say certain things, but with you, its not until after that I go "wait! what?" I do wonder if you like me. Sometimes I think yes, other times I think not.

Okay, I got wrap this thing up, because there is just WAY too many feelings flying around here. I'm getting uncomfortable. So in closing, I know at times I carry myself like a dragon lady. But I'm really just a softy that has specific likes and dislikes. It might "seem" like I have my life together, but I do not. I'm just good at pretending and some times you need to lie to yourself so as not to freak out over every little thing. In short, I am not as scary and "put together" as I come off to be. You are interesting, and you do cross my mind. There I said it! And the absolute, purest truth....if you were to call me.....I wouldn't hate it.