Before The Parade Passes By

As I approach the next year of my life, it has got me thinking about, well just that, LIFE! There has been so many things that I have seen, read about, heard about, dreamt about that I have wanted to experience in my life. Let's make a list shall we

-Live in New York (check!)
-Be a mermaid (this one was back when I was 5, but it still would be very cool, and hey! you never know with all the advances in science)
-Be in every ocean at least once in my life
-Hug a panda bear
-Meet an elephant
-Learn to surf (attempted and failed)
-Travel to the following places: Paris, Italy, Greece (specifically Santorini), India, Indonesia, Australia, Iceland, Poland, Fiji, India, Mongolia, Thailand, Patagonia, Barcelona...and many more
-Learn to speak other languages
-Become a photographer
-Design a dress
-Meet Bill Murray, and somehow prove we are related
-Work in a bakery (don't ask me why)
-Learn to play either the ukulele or bongos
-Be about 5 inches taller
-Live on a beach
-Go to a dance-off (possibly participate depending on the skill level)
-Be pulled up on stage at a concert, and NOT make a fool of myself
-Be part of a flash mob (not what it sounds like)
-Have a karaoke duel with Jimmy Fallon
-Befriend someone with the name McGuire (has to be 1st name)
-Get an English Bulldog (name-pending)
-Serve in a foreign country

....and the list goes on..

Any suggestions?

Insane In This Here Membrane

GGGgggrrrrrr!

Frustration overload! SYSTEM MANUAL OVERDRIVE! SHUT DOWN! WARNING: if you are currently in a good mood, have a generally positive outlook, always freakishly happy, and can find the good in a pile of garbage, for your own well-being it may be wise to stop reading this now. Since I have nothing to hit, or shove, or kick unfathomably hard, I'm gonna get some of this aggression that is pressing in on me out right here, right now. And the following things irritate me:

1-People who swing their arms way too much while walking up crowded stairs

2-The noises that bananas make when being eaten

3-People who run their mouths about stuff they have no idea about

4-The funky smells of the subways

5-When its raining like a monsoon in NY, and the constant battle of the Umbrella Wars

6-When people "think" that they are being helpful, when if fact, they are doing just the opposite

7-When people say, "talk to me Goose"

8-When people ask you a question and then proceed to cut you off as soon as you start to answer

9-Really heavy breathers

10-Kids

11-The lady in Beacon's Closet who would NOT give up that dress that I wanted (and totally saw 1st!)

12-When people constantly pocket dial you, I wish my name didn't start with an "A" just for that reason

13-How disorganized bookstores are lately

14-The fact that I have to pay $90 for a little sticker to put on my license plate

15-Idiots who talk ridiculously loud at 3 am walking down my street

16-The constantly having to repeat myself

17-My bangs, I regret cutting them

18-People who stare

19-The struggle it takes for me to get a glass out of my darn cupboard (my roommate is tall)

20-The fact that now I have to be careful and not listen to my iPod on my way home so that it doesn't almost get stolen again

21-Two-faced individuals

22-People who tell you just to give up

23-The poodle a few doors down who barks EVERY TIME it is outside

23-Way too much cologne

24-Car horns/sirens

...and that is just to name a few.

Feet Don't Fail Me Now

I have got to get it together!!!

Amanda, what are you doing? Seriously, it is time for some tough love, courtesy of your 15 year old self! The 15 year old version of you would say, are you happy with the way things are going? What do you want to be? Where do you want to go? What do you want for your life? Oh, what...don't have the answer...oh, that is too bad, hmmm, let's think about this...maybe you could, oh, I don't know....FIGURE IT OUT!!! Buck up, soldier!! If you don't take charge no one else will! No one is gonna hold your hand and give you everything you ever wanted. You gotta figure out WHAT you want, and go out and make it happen! (in case you were curious, apparently the 15 year old version of myself was a former marine Sargent with a case of "rage"...actually that is not too far from the truth!)

I used to be so dedicated, so focused, so regimented. I knew exactly what I wanted, and I got it! I also always knew what I was working towards, and I can say that have about about an 85% success rate in life goals. The thing is though, I feel like all those goals took so much time, and now that most of them are done.....now I don't know what to do. Oh what to do, what to do. It it time to do some soul-searching, traveling, getting back into the swing of things, hittin' that ole road again! Finding what it is that I want to do next. Get ready world, Amanda is making her way back!!!! You've been warned:)

P.S.-Any suggestions are welcomed and will be critiqued!

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Question: Why is it that we tend not to appreciate people until they are no longer there?

Before I continue, I want all to know that this is NOT about death, I repeat, NOT ABOUT DEATH! Okay, now that that is cleared up....as I was pondering before I so rudely interrupted myself. Why is it that we (I mean me, but I feel applies to all) don't fully realize what kind of impact a person has on our lives until they are vacant from it? I view myself as a very independent-can do it on my own-person, so when I have these revelations of NEEDING someone, it kind of rocks my world.

These waves of thoughts are coming from a few things that have happened recently. I just saw my grandparents, who I haven't seen in almost 5 years! Preparing for this trip I plagued myself with overwhelming guilt (Debi I do NOT know how you carry that feeling all the time, it. is. awful.) for letting SO much time pass, and not including them in my "adult life" (whatever that means). But, the most beautiful thing was that when I finally saw them, we picked up right where we left off! Spending just a few days with them made me realize just how much I have missed them and just how big of players they are in my life. They are the kind of grandparents that growing up you almost consider as friends too. My grandmother is hilarious, she is seemingly so sweet and delicate, but really has an opinion about everything. She can laugh about anything, including herself, which is an amazing quality to have. My grandfather is, complex. He tries to look for a deal in anything, and is a major instigator, but deep down his heart is good (and new at that!) So many of my good memories in life have them in it. And now, being away from them again, all I want to do is have my grandfather ask me what I want to eat while I'm playing cards with my grandmother...

Moving on to the parents. I also just saw them. They are interesting people. And I love them for it! My mother is irreplaceable, imaginative, powerful, entertaining. My father is quiet, reliable, concerned, a great listener and a great putter-outter of the fires. Moving away from them, I realized that I am NOT too old to need my mom and dad. I love it went my mom shops for me. I love it when she makes me delicious breakfast. And when she plays with my hair. I love it that my dad always makes sure I have what I need. Gets me to places early. Asks how my car is, and if where I'm living/going, etc. is safe. Growing up and feeling like you have to handle everything on your own, its nice to know that, no matter what, my parents have got my back when I need them. That I can count on, along with a good story and long laugh!

Today's Headline: Amanda Realizes She Needs People! And dim the lights, draw the curtain, and segway into a musical number by the one and only Babs "people, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world!" I miss my grandparents, I miss my parents, I miss my sisters, I miss my brother, I miss my niece, I miss my best friend. You are all miss, and I forever have room for you in my life!