Visitors From Far Away

"He didn't know the first step in pursuing her because he'd always been the one pursued....in desperate moods he asked his mirror why the only girl he was crazy about was the only girl not crazy about him."- Jeffrey Eugenides

So we had a visitor from the "land down under". And if you could believe it, every single girl and her mother had their claws in him from the moment he stepped off the plane I'm sure. Now, let's not get it twisted. He was attractive. He had nice style. He did seem quite nice. His accent was good. But, what is SO special about you, that created enemies out of girls, and brought their most caddiest sides of them out?

Australia, has roughly...what, 20 million people there? And I'm sure there has to be at least (at least!) 1 million guys there that are pretty much just like you. But what am I talking about? Your not really the issue are you? You just came over to NY for vacation. You did not set up to be rushed at like a freakin' Beatle when they played at Shea Stadium. At least I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt that this was not your plan all along. It's all these crazy girls that are the problem. Chill out ladies! He is just a man. In case you did not get the memo, desperation AND easiness are not anchors in trading in your "single ladies" card for life. Stop being so manipulative and just straight mean to each other over a guy who was only here for 1 week! Count it, 7 days. Not the end of the world people.

But I also wonder if he has ever experienced a genuine attraction from someone. I mean, he has all the stats to be a major crush in any girls book. Good looks: Check! Amazing Accent: Check! Personality: Semi-Check! (not all the way certain about that one) But, how many people actually end up with their crush? Has anyone liked him for him? Or do they get all caught up in the idea that is him and his credentials? Or, do you like all that superficiality? Interesting. I mean, I can't say for sure that if I was some Brazilian export that I would not be macking on it all too. I'd like to think not, but who knows. Either way, I feel like I could not exist without genuineness if my life. It's like oxygen.

Summer In The City

It's starting to get warm. Summer is almost here. It takes a bit getting used to not having to put on socks, and boots, and scarves, and heavy coats. Now, you actually have to match your outfit because you won't have a heavy, long down jacket wrapped all around you. And your hair must be done because no more can you just throw on a hat. If only my limbs had a bit more of a tan then they do, I would be one happy camper.

There is something kinda amazing about this city this time of year. You can feel people's edges melting away. It's about to be summer, this is what you work towards all year round, and now it is here. People are taking it easy, chilling, relaxing now while they can, before it gets so unbelievably hot and all you want to do is crawl inside an AC unit. It was a busy time last night at the laundromat. They had every door and window open to get any type of a breeze circulating as the 20 some giant dryers, turned our clothes dry. They had a soothing mix of 80's/90's pop/rock classic ballads playing that I think everyone secretly wanted to burst out singing, but no one did. While we waited for our cycles to end we all sat around and watched Caso Cerrado. Then we claimed our tables and started the folding process. During which I had a thought about how strange it was that my under-roos were oddly close to the next folders shirt pile, and how his under-roos were so close to that ladies towel pile. And it made me laugh, we take all this time and energy in life, putting on clothing and taking precautions to not show our underwear to people, only for you to put it all on display at the laundromat so every Tom, Dick, and Harry can see them. But somehow, its not weird. After spending almost 2 hours there you start to feel a bond with your fellow washers. You feel like giving everyone a high-five upon leaving, feeling like you all just really accomplished something. We all left that night a bit shiny and dewy from a subtle sweat built up by a night of good, solid laundry doing, and the smell of Downy that followed us home.

Upon arriving home, you are greeted by the neighborhood UPS guy. He is always so nice, and everyone on the block knows, and loves him. What's not to love, he has gifts for you in his big brown truck, and he delivers them with a smile and a light hearted joke usually. As always you have to stop and pet Minnie, the little dog that lives 3 doors down, as well as saying hi to her owner. It's nice to come home and all the window are open and you can hear the city outside starting to slow down. With the house smelling like fresh laundry, I decided that tonight was the perfect night for tacos! I turned on my iTunes, which just so happened to play a perfect blend of Bob Marley, Eddie Vedder, Jack Johnson, Edith Piaf, and The Kinks that I could have sworn it grew a brain and knew just what I was in need of to set the mood just right on the perfectly warm May night. I decided to have my tacos and beer out on my fire escape. From up there I could see down into the rest of my neighbors backyards. Some were BBQ-ing, others were gardening, I could see some gathering around the TV about to start watching some prime time show, and one lucky duck who was passed out in his hammock. I decided to end this night by watching one of my surfing documentaries, so I could fall asleep dreaming of a life like that. But, not until I watched the final moments of a beautiful sunset over beloved Brooklyn:)

Am I Feeling Super-Duper, and Can You Tell I Am A Trooper?

Confession: I know that I originally started this blog for an easy, funny documentation of my life...but, as these months have passed since I have started it, I feel the strongest desire to express what is going on when I am stressed and frustrated. Which happens more often then I would like it to. But I've come to the conclusion that I will no longer wade in this limbo stage. I can't do it anymore. I used to have this strong craving for life, my life. Somewhere in between all the newness that my life contained, and the constant state of displacement and all the time spent unsettled, to now where I find myself slowing fading by this constant battle with things not turning out how I thought they would or should, and that oh so dangerous voice in the back of my mind that whispers in an unsettling way just when I think that I'm going to be alright and throws me into a state of complete, horrific panic with four simple words, are you really happy?

I know that life is not all peaches and cream all the time. I am not an idiot. But why is it that I have yet to learn to completely loose myself in the moments of absolute happiness when they do happen? Envelope myself in those times and carry them with me always. I am completely envious of those who know how to dust the dirt right off their shoulders and not carry the load of every trouble in their life on their shoulders. I fear that when some look at me, they see a train wreck waiting to happen. I know I wrote a user guidebook on how to deal with me. I have all these maps, and keys, and puzzles, to try to solve all my equations. I've built so many walls up all around me. And that has got me thinking, have I put them up to keep people out, or have I put them so that no one can discover me? Do I even know me?

There are things now that I am not satisfied with. Some of them, I have the power to change. Question is, what am I going to do? Am I going to wallow in self pity and doubt and not try to make things better? Or, am I going to make a game plan and put it into action? I'm tired, and feeling a bit lost, but I feel things are the times in life that most define a person and the direction that the rest of your life will take. I know that I do not want to be a miserable, negative person. I know where I do NOT want my life to end up. The quest now is to just figure out where I DO want my life to go. Anyone have a spark plug? I sure could use a little boost about now.

So, Um.....Yeah..

I feel like writing. But I don't know what to say exactly. Usually a loss of words is not a problem I have. It's not as if I have nothing to say, it's more like, where do I even begin? I feel like a game of racquetball is being played in my brain. Let me try a catch some of these thoughts and organize them.

Thought #1- I choose the wrong week to go on a cleanse. You know what? No! Reverse that. The Universe choose the wrong week to mess with me! In all honesty, the whole 5 days of just liquids only is not as difficult as I thought it would be. That gritty "herb" substance I'm having to drink every 3 hours might not taste the best, or smell the best, but it is doing it's job in keeping me feeling fed. But still, can anything really replace food? So it's not as if I am starving, but as a friend said who is also doing the cleanse, "your just lonely for food." I don't think I've ever dreamt of egg rolls, cupcakes, and vietnamese sandwiches so much before. Still, to have a full on crisis going down at work this week makes this all the more so frustrating. Have you ever been chewed out by a school secretary at 8:00 am? Have you ever had it happen 50 times in a row? I swear, you would of thought that I had cheated with their husbands or something horrendous like that. Listen MARY from PS-icouldcareless, I completely agree with you being upset, but I have no control or idea as to what is happening, so if you would calm down for just a minute I'll put you with someone who can help. Look, I haven't had any food in 4 days, and if you keep screaming at me I cannot be held responsible for the next words that come out of my mouth or that you may or may not be jumped in the parking lot!!! (oh! and BONUS: it's that time of the month, but I don't like to think that has anything to do with my severe mood swings)

Thought #2- I need a new job. I needed it yesterday.

Thought #3- Why do I have no shame in unleashing all my weird/awkward/strangeness on people? Seriously Amanda. You can't keep it together for 24 hours? It's almost like you HAVE to make a fool of yourself.

Thought #4- Maybe by some miracle I will get stuck in the train or an elevator and not be able to go to work. Oh please, please, please....

Thought #5- Why haven't you gotten back with me? (sigh) I'm not the best at waiting.

Thought #6- So much to do to get ready for my mother's visit. Oh boy. I can see all the lists building up.

Thought #7- Where should I move to next?

Thought #8- Should I color my hair red? Not likely a trashy red of course, but more of a rich, luscious tone. I'm gonna ponder on that one.

Thought #9- Currently listening to G Love. He makes me so happy:)

Thought #10- I miss having the male perspective of things. I never thought I would ever say this, but some of my guys friends growing up, looking back now, had some pretty good insight. So many guys now are so dull and lame, and you couldn't beat a personality out of them!

Thought #11- PLEASE let me have a good summer. Let it be fun. I need a good, fun summer.

Thought #12- I still cannot decide whether the Tom Selleck-esque mustache or the giant red bow tie is the best thing about Louie (the guy from the pizza place by my work) I'm leaning more towards the facial hair.

Thought #13- Is Aretha Franklin a liar? Has anyone ever really made someone feel like a natural woman? (currently listening to her, that is what prompted the thought) When I think of a natural woman, I think of it being unshaven and wild, haha......but that is just me.

Thought #14- Now listening to Jack Johnson. I know for a FACT he is not a liar. I hang on every word he has to say.

Thought #15- french fries

Thought #16- Am I all drama all the time? (please say no), but I have my suspicions that I am. Ug! Can't deal with that right now.

Those Funny Moments in Life...

....when at the time it may not have seemed so funny, but then later once you look back it is hilarious!

By the way, the caption to this photo is Saturday Night Special- Off Leash

Train Observations

So when did authentic mullets become the latest trends for 14 year old boys? I saw a pack of them today in the station and couldn't help but stare and be disgusted all at the same time. And it's not as if they were related and their mother sat them down one night and did the same awful thing over and over again on their hair and the kitchen table. So strange!

The mad dash to get a seat always make me laugh.

I dislike electronic devices that try to be "books". There is a difference of actually holding a book, looking at the printed words, feeling the paper, turning pages, the way a good book gets a bit worn and aged because it has been held as something special. And so far, most people that have these electronic readers are usually rude. I mean, I'm just saying.

And while we are on that subject.....backpacks have become my new enemy. You know what you've done!!!

Wuthering Heights

"A charming introduction to a hermit's life"- Wuthering Heights

So I recently finished Emily Bronte's classic! It feels like an accomplishment. Well, I mean I finished this book, AND made Jesus' (as in kinda like Jose, not in Son of God) laugh, all in the same week. I'm knocking of things from my bucket list right and left! The beginning was tough, it's almost as if my brain was resisting the old language. Then, in the meat of it, in a word: consuming. I could not get enough! I decided to share some of the best passages (I thought anyways) with you! Yes, you!

"A half-civilized ferocity lurked yet in the depressed brows and eyes full of black fire, but it was subdued; and his manner was even dignified: quite divested of roughness, though too stern for grace." This was an description of Heathcliff after his return. Spot on, I may add.

"He took a seat opposite Catherine, who kept her gaze fixed on him as if she feared he would vanish were she to remove it. He did not raise his to her often: a quick glance now and then sufficed; but it flashed back, each time more confidently, the undisguised delight he drank from hers." Was it real love between them or all just a game?

"Your presence is a moral poison that would contaminate the most virtuous: for that cause, and to prevent worse consequences, I shall deny you hereafter admission into this house, and give notice now that I require your instant departure." Mr. Linton, them sound like fighting words...

"Cathy, this lamb of yours threatens like a bull!....I'm mortally sorry that you are not worth knocking down!" Heathcliff's response

"Any yet, you have no scruples in completely ruining all hopes of her perfect restoration, by thrusting yourself into her remembrance now, when she has nearly forgotten you." Nelly doesn't approve of Heathcliff coming to see Cathy

"You know as well as I do, that for every thought she spends on Linton she spends a thousand on me!...Two words would comprehend my future-death and hell: existence, after losing her; would be hell...If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day." Heathcliff will not back down. Talk about stand by man!

"..he found it out ere I could reach the door; and in a stride or two was at her side, and had her grasped in his arms." He wouldn't let her fall.

"Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? You loved me-then what right had you to leave me? I have not broken your heart-you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. What kind of living will it be when you-oh, God! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?" Last words.

"Be with me always-do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you! I cannot live without my life!"

"I gave him my heart, and he took and pinched it to death, and flung it back to me."

"Heathcliff, if I were you, I'd go stretch myself over her grave and die like a faithful dog. The world is surely not worth living in now is it? You had distinctly impressed on me the idea that Catherine was the whole joy of your life: I can't imagine how you think of surviving her loss!" Ouch! Be nice, his one and only love just died.

"And, perhaps, not quite awake to what he did, but attracted like a child to a candle, at last he proceeded from staring to touching; he put out his hand and stroked one curl, as gently as if it were a bird." Awwwww, how cute!

"..and the more hurt she gets, the more venomous she grows."

"But I've most of them written on my brain and printed in my heart, and you cannot deprive me of those!" No, you can't take that away from me!

"In every cloud, in every tree-filling the air at night, and caught be glimpses in every subject by day-I am surrounded by her image! The entire world is a dreadful collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her! I have to remind myself to breathe-almost to remind my heart to beat!" To suffer a great lost, it changes a person.

It was a good book. It was sad, funny, romantic, scary in some parts. And it just reaffirmed that I am NOT into weak men. Like Linton, he annoyed me to no end! Man up! I would much more likely go for a Heathcliff, even with all that darkness he carried around, simply cause I love that he showed his ugly!

Beginner, Level 1. Don't Laugh!

So Debi says I should try free-style writing. I mean, I bust a mad-sick rhyme out ALL THE TIME! So this shouldn't be too hard. I hope. So here it goes, for 10 minutes, whatever goes out of my fingertips is what you get!

Saturday was fun. I love not having to wake up to an alarm. I also love laughing pretty much all day long. When we were doing the inner dialogue to those guys sitting on the rocks, my stomach hurt it was so funny. Then I thought, this is exactly what my mom says not to do, two girls should not be drawing attention to themselves! Oh mother, if you only knew the stupid things I amuse myself with.

phone....

Question, if you are hired as an interpreter, you'd think that a MUST would be that you have to speak English as well.....I get so frustrated trying to understand some of these people! And just as a side note, talking louder does NOT mean I can understand you any better, it just means now that you are shouting incoherence.

I have an interview for a salon today. I hope it goes well. I'm so tired of interviews, I don't even get nervous anymore. I just want to be a bit more settled already. Is that too much to ask? i think not!

I want a puppy. No. Correction. I need a puppy. Everyone should have a puppy. Well, maybe not everyone, now that I'm thinking of sick freaks who abuse animals, they should be tasered!

phone....

Secretaries at school are so nice and funny. Especially when in the background you can hear them setting a kid straight.

Oh, last night I killed a seagull. But in all honesty, I think it was more like a suicide than a homicide. He flew right down in front of my car on Coney Island Avenue, not really allowing my to slam on my break. That thud, crunch, and then explosion of feathers behind me was pretty gross. I'm sorry to the sea gull's family. My deepest sympathy's. Just goes to show you that, going after the one last french fry might not be worth it after all!

OK, that about does it!