Do you ever feel impending doom? Not necessarily on a global front or anything like that. Rather, impending doom for your life, like with the slightest shift in the breeze and everything is about to collapse. Yea....I am feeling impending doom.
It's not even like I have anything concrete to point at and be like, "yes! that is the thing that is gonna turn my life into a mess." No, Its more like a sudden alertness in all areas of my life just went off, bracing for a storm that is about to hit, just completely unaware of what direction it is coming from. This feeling of expectation is exhausting, confusing, and panic-inducing. You know when you are woken up abruptly in the middle of the night, terrified and out of it? Then, the next morning you can't quite remember what happened, just something feels strange and so you are on edge for the rest of the day. It's kind of like that, except something deep down in my life went bump in the middle of the night and I've been cautious and unsettled ever since.
I remember being younger, in the middle of the summer and playing outside, having fun and then, all of the sudden hearing sirens in the distance go off. Everything got real quiet, dark, and still, and time seemed to freeze. Moments later, the storm came through with an unreal fierceness. My sirens have gone off. Everything seems to be stuck in this suspended stillness. Is a storm approaching? It would be so nice to step out of my own head. It's probably nothing. Stop panicking. There is nothing to be worried about. Everything is going to be alright.
Right?
I think maybe you're just so used to being stressed out to your limit that when things are actually going smoothly, you can't relax into it because you you're expecting something bad to happen... It's okay, Kula! I think you've had enough stress in the last 6 months to have earned an easy ride for a while!
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